Sometime Daddy

I'm never there except when I want to be
Because I'm a man, and that's my nature
My child cries for me nights on end
I just want to tell her that her mother
Well, she wasn't even my girlfriend
Just a pretty face with a generous space
That I just happened to fill
I stop by on the holidays
To make sure I don't look bad
I wasn't even going to stay
Because I'm perfect, and I don't make mistakes
I run, that's what I do best
I did make it on her birthday
Just to see if she looks like me
And she doesn't
So it makes me wonder if it's mine
The birth certificate says so
So i guess that makes me her daddy
I'm in the prime of my life
I ain't trying to be there full-time
Just sometime
One day, my daughter is going to hate me
And I'll try to explain, and she won't listen
And I'll just tell her to get in line
Just like all the other bitches

December 15th: 12 Noon

I'm sitting in a calculated stupor,
Waiting for this life to end
With a bottle in my hand, contemplating
What I'm going to do with myself
To unthaw my insides
How large of a task is this going to be?
Indifference has been coursing through my veins
With eyes that wanted to stare forever
But a heart that wants to roam
See what life is like
Before it settles on the front porch
I cannot hand away what I am
For I am overcome with fright
Before I give away the apathy
I will go quietly into the night

Showtime Sunday

in the still of the night
i'm thinking about
everything i am
that people fail to see
but that i know exists
in the human abyss
like the december evening
cold and desolate
with no end in sight
masks and layers
resistant to love and prayers
heroes are those
that conjure the contra
i am smoke and mirrors alike
incapable of discerning wrong from right
who i am is who you'll hate
hearts, minds and soul are what i'll break
it's all i know
heartbreaking and soulshaking

Finding My Forever

Within my soul, lies the burning urge
to find my immortal, my perpetual
one which lingers in the conscience
like a beautiful disease
that i volunteer to contract
because thi infection is perfection
it festers within me and manifests
itself through my actions
the side effect is ultimate satisfaction
a smile on face, pep in my step
the sky in my eyes
through those pretty brown ones
my forever lies

Dying Is the Cheapest Way to Escape Your Problems But You Know How I Am With Money

This fortress is one i cannot penetrate
My being lies within its walls
Answers, reasons, and questions
Not a brick of it will succumb
Not even my reason for walking this earth
The unconditional one who considers me worthy
Cannot persuade it to surrender
And now for reasons which lie beyond this
Impregnable monstrosity
I am not worthy to tread the trail
Or breathe the air
Worst of all, it is my own fortress
So what is the use of perpetuating your vitality
When you cannot even grasp it?

Pont de la Mort

Walking this bridge, under which the troubled waters rage
No shoes or socks, as to feel every foot along the way
Looking towards the skies, my eyes having been enraptured by the portentous
Shade of the light grey horizon
Which acts as the promotion of my impending demise
As the journey continues, the path starts to succumb to the rage
Expressions belie the grief that follows
To know that your mortality is only as sturdy as the crossing upon which you stand
Injects the concept of faith, and whether I possess it
Am I going to make it across or perish trying?
More importantly, do I believe I can?

The Price Chronicles

Heart is flushed with anger
A seven nation army couldn’t hold it back
Walking in a field of lilies
That became a shell-littered bomb track
How could something so sweet leave an aftertaste so acrid?
The revelation of reasons for our avoidant acrobatics
Put my heart in the care of my Allstate beauty
Whose kiss was known to soothe me?
But fear put her in a place complicated to escape
Lost in the center of a secret, it’s a fool’s fate
And when I came to make the secret no more
Holding us together became an impossible chore
Swore that I would put no one above her
And my farewell was that of a weekend lover
Segue
And The Lifehouse is Empty
I’m sitting in the house of life
Home far earlier than I expected
Waiting
With dessert on the table
And a glass of Welch’s finest sparkling
But she is not
Searching the house, running through the halls
Not a sign of her
Oh but there she is
Laying on the bathroom sink
In the form of a short letter
“You broke the lease; farewell, fair sir. You were not supposed to tell her.”
SEGUE AGAIN
Pink and Orange Crush
What does love look like?
A bloodshot eye amongst a bed of flowers
What does love feel like?
A stake through a heart padded by affection
What does love smell like?
A pile of manure hidden by roses
I understand what it means to be in l-o-v-e
Being in sensory atrophy

Nothing Like Dead Pussy

See I try to stay high all the time
Or get pissy drunk just to numb my mind
Content a little more thicker
Cause I figure I run game like these other niggas
But the girl threw up a red flag
When she seen my girl's picture on my phone inside my duffel bag
Like don't even tell me that's your sister
Go back to your wife, cause she probably miss ya
So on to the next, strategy gets twisted
Carlita was the next net chick I enlisted
Lived in a shitty part of town
But her lips were good enough to erase my frown
To my surprise when I stepped off the bus
She was lying face down in a pile of dust
Sat there thinkin like just my luck
My backup plan just got shot, I was just tryin to fuck
Ended up being the only eyewitness to crime
But nobody saw me, so i left just in time
To not let the PD see me
A lonely nigga tonight I will be
Unless her sister don't know about the murder
But she's a fragile chick, always seem to hurt her
So bored, my girl is gone forever
But people seem to think I'm just tryin to be clever
Anyways enough about that, I need snatch
I go looking for her sister, and her throat got slashed
Then to make matters worse, the first one i ran game on
Is sitting right next to her, with nothing but a towel on
Shit, pussy's a deadly game, something ain't right

Wishing They're Failing

Leaving me hanging, you frankly
Underestimated me, please thank me
For brightening your life
Even after our strife
I love to see you fail or cry
Cause it makes me smile
Walk that walk

I Guess She Was Somebody Out Here

She sat there in a daze waiting for day's end
With a cigarette in her mouth, contemplating
what she was going to do tonight
To disconnect herself from plight
Pills, heroin, or cocaine?
All of which prominently coursed through her veins
Two white horses in a line
Out of the bag at a quarter past nine
Up the nose and through the stream
Even the residue on the beam
Habit so strong she could not break it
Nor could her waifish frame take it
Just wanted to drive the pain to the side
And ended up being her last farewell ride